Tony's Idea of Team Bonding
by ElectricSnowman
Summary: Tony has a brilliant idea on how to bond with his team, so they all head off to Walmart for a special challenge. Will his teammates agree with what they'll have to do? Will chaos ensue if they agree to do it? Find out! This is my first Avengers story, and it is mostly made for comedy. Enjoy!


"A tomato is clearly a vegetable. Has been, always will be. I don't understand why people just changed that all of a sudden!" Steve exclaimed.

"Tomatoes are fruits!" Clint rolled his eyes. "I never understood why it would be vegetable in the first place. It has seeds, doesn't it?"

"So then, according to the logic today, peppers are fruits? Cucumbers? Eggplants?"

"I think you guys are taking this conversation too far," Natasha sighed.

"Fruit."

"Vegetable."

"FRUIT!"

"VEGETABLE!"

"_SHUT UP!"_

Everyone turned around, and faced Loki.

"I'm trying to relax, if you don't mind." The demi-god put back on his headphones.

"You two can continue your little argument once we get back to Stark Tower," Natasha said, rolling her eyes.

"Speaking of Stark Tower, why did you pull us all out in the first place?" Clint asked Tony.

"We're going to do a little team bonding exercise." Tony grinned.

"Didn't we already do so, man of iron?" Thor asked.

"Don't even _remind_ me of that..." Bruce shuddered.

"I agree. Let's not ever speak of that again," Steve added.

"I found it quite amusing." Loki smirked.

"That's because you weren't part of it! I, on the other hand, had to spend 10 minutes washing my mouth out!" Clint yelled.

"How Tony dragged us into the cinnamon challenge, I'll never know..." Bruce shook his head.

"I happened to find the cinnamon quite delicious," Thor smiled.

Everyone looked at him in disgust, before going back to their business.

"Fruit."

"Vegetable."

"FRUIT!"

"VEGETABLE!"

"PINEAPPLE!"

Clint and Steve stared at Thor. "What?"

"You are shouting out produce, so I proceeded to join," Thor said, a blank look on his face.

"We're here, guys!" Tony suddenly yelled, the car coming to a sudden stop.

"Finally," Loki grumbled, taking off his headphones. "How you Midgardians live like this, I'll never know."

"Sometimes I wonder the same thing myself," Natasha muttered as she got out of the car.

Once everyone got out, they stared at the giant building that stood in front of them.

_Walmart._

"You call this "team bonding"? We're at _Walmart_," Clint spoke up.

"Right you are. And today, we're going to do what no man has ever done before..." Tony grinned. "Follow me."

Everyone followed him into Walmart.

* * *

"What are we doing?" Steve asked.

Tony grinned wildly, before snatching a shopping cart.

Thor looked deeply shocked. "Man of iron, are you planning a theft?"

Loki face-palmed himself.

"What? No! We're planning a...[insert dramatic music]...SHOPPING CART RACE!" Tony looked at his fellow teammates, but none of them seemed too excited.

"People have done that before," Natasha pointed out.

"Well, no _billionaire_ has done it before!" Tony corrected her. "But now, we can't say THAT anymore! Whaddaya say?"

Everyone stared at him with the most unreadable expression. Steve and Thor, on the other hand, looked absolutely puzzled.

"So you mean to say that you dragged us all out here _just_ for some sort of race?" Steve asked.

"Yes. Good observation, Spangles." Tony pat him on the back, before glancing at the others. "Come on, guys! Pepper said so herself that we should just take a day to have some fun!"

"I don't see anything wrong with it." Clint shrugged, earning a look from Natasha. "What? I've never done a shopping cart race before!" He defended himself.

"Do you think this would be a good idea, though? I mean...the whole place is crowded..." Bruce quietly spoke up. He didn't like the idea of Tony terrorizing the poor shoppers with his childish antics.

"You got a point there. Not to mention we'd be swarmed by fans..." Clint shuddered, remembering Natasha's reaction when dozens of fan girls swooned over him.

Someone has yet to pay for their hospital bills.

"Don't worry, pal. I have an idea that's foolproof." Before everyone knew it, Tony was in his Iron Man suit, and he flew up to the ceiling to get everyone's attention.

He cleared his throat, before loudly exclaiming, "HOLY CRAP THERE'S AN ALIEN INVASION! RUN, EVERYONE! FIND SHELTER! PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES!"

It wasn't too long before the whole supermarket erupted into complete chaos. Shoppers frantically ran about and screamed, piling out the nearest exits. In as little as two minutes, the entire supermarket was completely empty.

Tony flew down and brushed his hands together, satisfied. "Problem solved." He headed back to his teammates, who looked absolutely stunned. Loki, on the other hand, looked amused.

"I had the idea of giving them free autographs if they left, but this idea was _much_ better!" Clint exclaimed, stifling a laugh.

"I don't believe _that_ was necessary, but at least everyone is gone," Loki shrugged.

"Exactly. Now we can begin!" Tony stated proudly. "Bruce, you're on my team."

Bruce sighed, shaking his head. "Tony—"

"Say "no" and I'll ram you with this cart. You need to loosen up; have some fun every now and then!" Tony playfully whacked him on the arm.

"I have fun in the lab," Bruce rubbed his arm, sounding offended.

"Well, you can have more fun _here_." Tony crossed his arms.

"But—"

"No buts. I need a teammate, darn it!"

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. There was no use in arguing with Tony Stark, simply because he was...well..._Tony Stark_.

"Since Capsicle and Goldilocks here probably have no clue how to do this, Clint will be with Thor, and Natasha will be with Steve," Tony explained, facing everyone else.

"Tony, this is ridiculous," Natasha scowled.

"_You're _ridiculous!" Tony exclaimed, offended. "I've _always_ wanted to do this! You dare mock my childhood dream?"

Natasha shot him a deadly glare, but the billionaire ignored her and turned to face Clint. "You in for a challenge?"

"Right on!" Clint smirked, ready for action.

"Indeed, man of iron! Do you wish to join, brother?" Thor happily faced Loki, who leaned against a shelf with a bored expression.

"Do I look in the mood to play Midgardian games?" Loki scoffed.

"Killjoy," Tony muttered.

Poor Steve, who had no clue what the heck was going on, looked at Natasha.

"People really _do_ this kind of stuff nowadays?" he asked, more confused than ever.

"According to Stark," Natasha answered, rolling her eyes. "Come on; we'll just make it look like we're joining, then ditch everyone."

"What about Clint?" Steve pointed at the archer, who was explaining to Thor how a shopping cart race worked.

Natasha shook her head, watching as Clint hopped into the cart, before he and Thor high-fived and whooped. "Clint can get pretty competitive, so dragging him out of this would be difficult."

"Loki?" Steve faced the demi-god, who still looked bored out of his mind.

"I'll just hang here," Loki shrugged, interested to see how this race would turn out. "Suit yourself." Natasha and Steve left the building.

"Hey, Reindeer Games!"

Unamused by his nickname, Loki faced Tony.

"You'll be referee. Got it?"

"Whatever you say." Loki rolled his eyes.

"Alright, you there will be 3 laps around the whole store, and whoever finishes at the exit wins!" Tony announced.

"Got it." Clint looked ready to go. "You ready, Thor?"

"Certainly, hawk-man!"

Clint smirked and shook his head. He told Thor dozens of times that that wasn't his name, but he didn't seem to understand.

"Ready, Bruce?" Tony faced his science bro.

"Do I have to be?" Bruce asked.

"Stop whining; you'll have fun before you know it!" Tony practically shoved him toward the cart. Knowing that there was no use in arguing with him, Bruce climbed in.

Tony pushed the cart towards the exit, and met up with Clint, Thor, and Loki.

"Hey, where's Steve and Natasha?" He looked around, only to see that they both had somehow vanished.

"Perhaps they did not want to race the carts of shopping?" Thor suggested, equally confused.

Tony pouted. "Party poopers. Oh well; guess it's just us guys then!"

As everyone got ready, Tony and Thor stood with their teammates, patiently waiting for Loki to begin the race.

"Loki?" Thor looked at him, strangely.

Everyone faced Loki, who was staring off into space with a creepy grin plastered on his face.

"Anytime now, Creeper," Tony spoke up.

Loki snapped out of it upon hearing Tony, and rolled his eyes, turning to everyone. "As you mortals would say: On your mark, get set, go."

No enthusiasm was in his voice whatsoever, but that didn't stop Tony and Thor from bolting away, leaving him behind in the dust. Wearing his creepy grin once more, Loki sneaked off to who knows where.

"Tony, I really don't believe this is necessary," Bruce told Tony.

"It's not, but it sure is fun!"

"But don't you think throwing produce is a little _too_ much?"

"What?" Tony suddenly ducked as a piece of produce nearly hit his head.

"Brilliant shot, hawk-man!" Thor exclaimed, as Clint grabbed multiple produce from the shelves and shot them at Tony with his bow and arrow.

"Why, thank you. There's more where that came from..." Clint shot a pineapple at Tony, but Tony shot a laser out of his hand, causing it to explode.

"They wanna play that way, huh? Time to fight fire with fire! Bruce, grab some produce!" Tony commanded.

Bruce opened his mouth to object, but decided not to even bother. When they passed by aisles with all sorts of fruit, he started grabbing some.

"What now?" he asked Tony.

"Hand them over." Bruce handed some fruit to Tony, who then shot them out of his hands as if they were cannonballs.

"Incoming produce!" Thor declared.

Clint ducked to avoid some fruit, and Thor hit the fruit with Mjolnir, causing them to splatter.

"That's one way to make fruit juice," Clint said, smirking.

"Indeed, hawk-man. Perhaps we should make delicious fruit juices once we win." Thor smiled.

Clint laughed, shooting more fruit at Tony.

Loki peered out from behind an aisle, watching the two shopping carts battle it out. His creepy grin returned, and his skin turned blue. He held out his hand and turned the ground near him into ice, before running off.

As Clint and and Thor approached the ice, Clint was the first to see it, of course. "Watch out for the ice, Thor!" he shouted.

"But why would there be ice in a grocery store, hawk-man?" Thor was confused.

"Just watch out!"

Thor looked ahead, and noticed the ice. With a mighty leap, he lifted the cart as he flew over it.

Clint opened his eyes and peeked out of the cart in amazement. "Nice!"

"Thank you." Thor smiled.

Deciding not to run anymore, Tony was using the jets on his feet to push the cart faster.

"You know, Tony, I think I underestimated this. This is actually kind of fun!" Bruce said.

"See? I KNEW you'd have a great time! Sure beats working in the lab, right?" Tony grinned.

"Well, I wouldn't saw _that_, but—"

Bruce was interrupted when the cart suddenly slid out of control. Tony lost grip of the cart, and Bruce was literally tossed out of it. Tony screamed like a girl as he crashed into an aisle full of dairy products, slamming face first into a block of cheese.

Stunned, he slowly lifted up his faceplate. "What...happened?"

Bruce was on the ground, and tried to calm his heartbeat. He clenched his fists, trying to push the Hulk aside, and once he managed to do so, he sighed with relief. That is, before he saw the cart flying towards him.

He didn't think much after that.

"You alright, Bruce?" Tony faced his science bro, but instead, he saw the Hulk. He grinned, coming up with the perfect plan to win the race. "Hey, buddy! Wanna join a shopping cart race?"

"Hulk join Tony," Hulk replied.

"Great! You push me while I'm in the cart, and I'll tell you where to go. Got it, big guy?" Tony asked, climbing into the cart.

Hulk nodded his head, and Tony pointed forward. "Onward, Hulk! We got a shopping cart race to win!"

"Hulk win race!" Hulk shouted, pushing the shopping cart as fast as he could. Tony laughed maniacally as they went faster and faster.

* * *

"Thor, do you hear something?" Clint asked Thor.

"No," Thor answered. "What is it you hear?"

Clint listened closely to the sound of thundering footsteps, and slowly, he began to realize what he and Thor were up against. "Thor...pick up the speed."

"But hawk-man, we are already most ahead," Thor told him.

"We won't be for long!" Clint yelled, pointing behind him.

Thor looked behind himself and almost screamed, because of how close the Hulk was behind them.

"HULK WIN RACE!" Hulk shouted.

"Tony! You cheater!" Clint glared at Tony.

Tony raised his hands defensively. "It wasn't _my_ idea! A certain demi-god decided to step things up a bit!"

"Loki..." Clint scowled, remembering the ice. He looked at Thor, who began slowing down. "What are you doing? RUN!"

"But wouldn't it be best to let the rage monster win?" Thor asked.

Clint looked behind himself and began to go insane. "NO! RUN, YOU MORON!" he screamed. "RUN OR HE'LL TRAMPLE US!"

"Very well." Thor started spinning Mjolnir so the wind would pick up, and he pushed the cart while flying so he'd go faster.

Hulk was still determined to win the race, though. "HULK BEAT HAMMER MAN AND ARROW MAN!"

"Any chance you can go faster?" Clint asked Thor, a look of horror on his face.

"There is not enough wind," Thor replied, still spinning Mjolnir.

"Then we'll just have to let some in," Clint muttered, targeting his bow and arrows. He shot at some of the windows, letting in more wind.

"How many laps left, Jarvis?" Tony asked his artificial intelligence program.

"You are currently on the last lap, sir," Jarvis replied.

"Shoot." Tony turned around. "Hulk, mind picking up the pace?"

Hulk nodded his head, and ran faster.

When Clint saw how close he was getting, he quickly faced forward, repeating, "We are so dead. We are going to die."

"Have faith, hawk-man!" Thor reassured him. "Mjolnir has never failed me before—"

Hulk whacked a shelf full of food, which tumbled right on top and Clint and Thor. Tony cackled maniacally as he sped past them, waving goodbye.

Clint popped his head out of a bunch of cereal boxes, and glared at Thor. "You were _saying?_"

Thor only gave a nervous smile in return, before summoning Mjolnir once more.

"Great job, big guy. We're sure to win the race now!" Tony said.

"Hulk and Tony win race!" Hulk shouted.

"That's right. Just one more corner, and we're done," Tony told him.

Loki peeked out from behind the corner, before creating another ice puddle in the middle of the floor.

Tony, who was too focused on winning the race, paid no attention to the ice. Hulk, on the other hand, ran right into it and slipped, crashing to the ground.

"NOT AGAIN!" Tony screeched, crashing into the dairy section once more. He got up dizzily, and asked, "What happened now?"

Hulk shook his head and stood up, before seeing something at the corner of his eye. He glared straight at the figure who was peeking at him from behind a shelf, before it took off.

"Puny god," he growled.

"Loki? Where?" Tony looked around.

"Puny god make Hulk slip on ice," Hulk spat, jabbing a finger at the ice puddle.

"Oh, that must explain the whole incident that happened earlier," Tony muttered.

"Hulk SMASH puny god!" Hulk growled.

"Sure, why not? I can pay for the damage, anyway. Go ahead," Tony shrugged, like it was nothing.

Hulk roared as he ran off, smashing through aisles.

When Loki heard a roar behind himself, he immediately knew he was screwed. "Shoot shoot shoot shoot SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT!" He sprinted down the aisle, the Hulk just inches away from him.

Pretty soon, they both passed by a giant pile of cereal boxes. Clint and Thor were still in the pile, before they looked up at the commotion.

Clint couldn't help but laugh. "Looks like Hulk found out who caused the chaos."

"Shouldn't we help my brother?" Thor looked concerned.

"Nah...he deserves this," Clint smirked.

* * *

Meanwhile, Natasha and Steve had finally returned to Walmart. After Steve asked if ice cream still existed, they both had gone to the nearest ice cream shop. Steve got vanilla ice cream, and Natasha got strawberry.

Still licking on their ice cream cones, they stepped through the entrance, before coming to a complete halt. Steve dropped his ice cream, and Natasha's mouth came wide open.

As Hulk was smashing Loki, Tony and Clint were arguing over who won the race (although no one actually passed the finish line yet), and Thor had found the pop tart aisle and was now stuffing his face. Not to mention the whole supermarket was completely destroyed, and not a single aisle was standing.

"What...did you guys...DO?" Natasha nearly shouted.

Tony and Clint stopped arguing, and faced her. "Tasha, tell your boyfriend that _I_ was the one who won the race! I got farther than him!" Tony yelled, ignoring her question.

"I think that should be the least of your worries right now! You do realize you'll have to pay for all this, right?" Natasha asked.

"Hey; I'm _Tony Stark_," Tony rolled his eyes. He turned back to Clint, and resumed arguing with him.

Natasha face-palmed herself. "How does Pepper deal with him...?" she growled to herself.

"Um, Hulk?" Steve stepped up to Hulk, who stopped smashing Loki for a moment. "I think you smashed him enough. He's knocked out pretty badly."

Hulk glanced at him, then at Loki. He shrugged, then dropped him, making him crash to the ground.

"What are we going to do?" Steve asked Natasha, turning around.

"I'll tell you what we're gonna do." Natasha sighed, before grabbing his arm and walked over to the exit. She stopped there, and faced Tony and Clint, who were still arguing. "HEY!"

Tony and Clint faced her.

"Looks like _we_ won the race." Natasha smirked, crossing her arms. Steve stifled a laugh.

Tony was speechless. "What—WHAT—THAT'S NOT FAIR!" he shouted.

Clint shrugged. "Looks fair to me," he smirked. "No one passed the finish line yet."

"But—BUT— " Tony face-palmed himself, knowing he was right. "Forget it. This whole thing was a stupid idea."

"Hey, no it wasn't! I had a great time!" Clint pat him on the back.

"Indeed, man of iron!" Thor shouted, his mouth full of pop tarts. "We should try to race the carts of shopping another time, perhaps!"

"I don't think there will even _be_ another time..." Steve said seriously, crossing his arms.

"We don't want to end up practically destroying every other supermarket around here, do we?" Natasha added.

"She has a good point," Clint admitted. He pat Thor on the back. "Sorry pal, but this was only a one time thing."

"Oh well," Tony sighed. "At least we bonded as a team. Right, guys?"

"Of course!" Clint replied.

"Indeed!" Thor added.

"What about you, big guy? Did you have fun?" Tony asked Hulk.

"Hulk have fun with Tony!" Hulk shouted, picking up Tony and giving him an arm crushing hug.

"ACK! Okay, you can put me down now..." Tony gagged.

"Hey, where did you get ice cream?" Clint asked Steve and Natasha.

"Oh, there's a Dairy Queen down the road. Wanna go?" Natasha asked.

"Sure!"

"I shall gladly try this cream of ice!" Thor smiled.

"Why not? We could use some relaxation," Tony shrugged.

"ICE CREAM!" Hulk exclaimed.

So the six friends happily left the destroyed Walmart, over to the ice cream shop down the road. They were completely unaware, though, that they had left someone behind...

* * *

Loki weakly rose from the ground, groaning. When he looked up, he happened to see a worker walk into the building, gaping at the total destruction.

When the worker looked in Loki's direction, Loki instantly rose his hands in surrender. "I didn't do it! I swear!"

"I found the one who is behind all this!" The worker shouted, looking behind himself. Soon, the cops burst into the room, and glared at Loki.

"You are under arrest for the destruction of Walmart," a cop stated, pointing his gun at him.

"Wha—? I didn't do it! I may have tried taking over the world, but that was only one time! I'm fine now; don't arrest me!" Loki screamed, frantically running around the store, as the cops chased him. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, STARK!"


End file.
